Rants on all the ads that suck. Updated whenever it tickles my fancy to do so. Now moved to http://adsthatsuck.ca

THIS SITE HAS MOVED TO http://www.adsthatsuck.ca

5/03/2005

AdsThatSuck will make you attractive to the opposite sex*

*Lies.

Nor will it make your penis bigger. It will, however, do just as good a job as anything else on the market.

It's amazing the type of commercials you see when you watch channels you wouldn't normally. I got really into The Ultimate Fighter on SpikeTV - the first network for men, and as a result, I saw a lot of commercials that weren't really aimed at me.

Don't get me wrong... I'm a guy. Just not the kind of guy who watches NASCAR and funnels cheap beer. Similarly, I'm not the kind of guy who buys ridiculous claims in advertising.

Cue this smiley fuck:


Yes. Meet Bob. Bob is a 1950s stereotype with a freakishly huge erection, thanks to Enzyte, the all-natural male enhancement. Bob, the narrator explains, has a new lease on life, thanks to this once-a-day tablet. His wife is similarly happy. And for some reason, he can golf better.

The once-a-day all-natural male enhancement.

I love taglines like this - the ones that say absolutely nothing. I mean, what male couldn't use some enhancement? I'm up for self-improvement.

Of course, we all know what it means. Especially when juxtaposed with the image of the sad, fat men rooting for the losing team (the Imps), painted red with flaccid horns on their head. But you can't come right out and say "this product will make your penis bigger" on national tv?

Why, you ask? Because it's not true.

The wonderful thing about this country is that you're not allowed to advertise things that are boldfaced lies. Especially when it comes to health and safety. Sadly, there are a lot of people trying to circumvent these laws by making weasel claims and dancing around the truth.

They've been sued, they've been threatened, but yet these fuckers have been around since 2001, preying on self-conscious idiots. I've made it clear that I hate advertisers with no regard to professional ethics, and this is about as perfect a case as they come.

Now, if you're excuse me, I've got some of Dr. Anderpants' Miracle Elixir to hawk on a Victorian street somewhere.

Links:
Quackwatch.org
A Chronology of Enzyte Marketing Claims

2 Comments:

Blogger The Village Idiot said...

"bob is steppin large and smilin easy!"
Love the rant about enzyte.
Well done,
the idiot

5/03/2005 08:57:00 PM

 
Blogger theWaghorn said...

Nice little Sweeny Todd reference Pirelli. Sadly there are no rememdies for a penis that has too much girth.

5/05/2005 01:17:00 PM

 

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