Rants on all the ads that suck. Updated whenever it tickles my fancy to do so. Now moved to http://adsthatsuck.ca

THIS SITE HAS MOVED TO http://www.adsthatsuck.ca


In just seven days, I can make you a man.

Before I begin this post, I would just like to say that I absolutely love Google Video. No. Seriously. If Google Video was a woman, I would marry it and let it have my babies. I just might anyway. This is Canada after all. If a man wants to marry a search engine, he should be able to.

Anyway, that said, thanks to the wonder that is Google Video, I found a commercial that's bugged me for a while, but I haven't been able to find an image of it.

Now, I don't know if you've ever used a Bowflex, but it's about the most awkward piece of exercise equipment imaginable, and judging by the commercial, it makes you an idiot too, however ripped. This particular commercial features an ex-fatty who bought a Bowflex, and presumably turned his life around. He loses 110 pounds, gets a haircut that makes him not look like the slowest kid on the short bus, and all of a sudden he's hot tubbing with models who pretend to like him for money.

Thank you, Bowflex.

Now, there's nothing inherently *wrong* with this particular commercial, other than it's pretty cliche, and the fact that in order to lose any significant amount of weight, fatty here would have had to work out for at least three hours a day, unless he wanted to diet - which of course this commercial doesn't mention.

The problem - or at least, my problem with this ad is the punchline.

"I know of other guys who ate sandwiches and lost a lot of weight, but I don't see them on TV with their shirt off."

Mere words cannot describe the visceral reaction I have to these words everytime I hear them. It's like nails on a blackboard. The cockiness of this statement from this guy who can obviously not back it up, is utterly flooring. When was the last time you said, with a cock-sure smirk "Hey ladies - I'm better looking than Jared."

In other news, I'm taller than the midget from Willow.

Now, it seems to me, that if you're going to motivate me to spend an exorbitant amount of money on your elastic band machine, you have to give me something more to aspire to. I need to want to be that guy. This guy... I'm happy not being him.

As marketers, we're storytellers. An important part of storytelling is the suspension of disbelief. If we make a story too hard to swallow, people just won't. This story, with the schmuck, and the fake girlfriend, and the scripted cockiness...is just too much to buy, and not enough to sell.


Anonymous Anonymous said...

A) I like the title of this post. It makes me think of my Mom asking me if you had M.S. after commenting on how brave you were, performing in your wheerchair. Tee hee.

B) Exorbitant. That's right. Just one t at the end.

C) Thank you so much for picking on this ad - it's pissed me off for quite some time now... Although, to be honest, I can see you being that "cocksure" and snide about someone else's weight loss. Not to be mean, but you are kind of caustic. It's what we all love about you though... or something like that...

7/14/2005 01:45:00 p.m.

Blogger Ryan said...

I would like to make it abundantly clear, little miss girl-face, that I am very much aware of how to spell 'exorbitant'. Blogger's spell-check function, for reasons I cannot even fathom, added a bunch of stray letters to the post, resulting in that rogue 't' that you so cleverly pointed out.

And please - me, be snide? I am sweeter than a goddamned barrel of sugar, and don't you forget it.

7/14/2005 02:18:00 p.m.

Blogger George Thomas Kysor said...

Hope you don't mind that I copied your post in my "Sampler" blog where I have collected other great works from such serious, high-minded bloggers as yourself.

7/28/2005 02:24:00 p.m.


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